Things that when I had my partner here were easier to meet head on but are now overwhelmingly frightening because I have to figure out how to take care of these things on my own.
I think I have a leak in the toilet tank in the back bathroom. I’ve come in the room to find water pooling on the floor in front of the toilet. I traced it back to that flexible piece of tubing coming from the wall in to the tank. I’m also thinking I might have a bigger plumbing issue based on the light flow of water from the kitchen sink. Plumbing problems scare the crap out of me because I know from experience (yes, Al and I had some interesting home repair experiences) that what starts out as a seemingly simple repair turns out to be much worse when inexperienced hands get busy. For now my quick fix for the toilet problem is to turn the water off at the wall as it leads in to the tank. I turn it on again when I flush and fill the tank, then turn it off. I need at least two new tires on my car, a very long overdue oil change, and LOTS more. I’m scared to take it in because I know I can’t afford what needs to be done, much less new tires. But on the other hand, I need to keep the car operating because I certainly know I can’t afford a car payment and full coverage insurance. With just under 190,000 miles on it, it’s only a matter of time. The holidays are right around the corner. What’s it going to be like without Al? Do I carry on the same Christmas traditions he loved so much? Am I going to let my family down if I’m sad? Are people sick of me feeing lost without him? Oh, I can go on and on and these thoughts & worries make sleep difficult.
So yes, I’ve been feeling uneasy, restless, worried.
An interesting thing happened yesterday. In the afternoon as I was sitting in the recliner in the family room, I looked up and saw a very large, green praying mantis on the ceiling. Immediately creeped out and freaked out, I got right up and asked Peter to please remove it but don’t hurt it or kill it. Just get it out and put it in the wash behind us so Raider doesn’t eat it because that crazy dog loves to eat bugs. Then I went out to a work event and later met up with Alison & Brad at a bar for a few drinks. When I got home, what do you think I saw on the ceiling? You got it, another praying mantis!! This one was a little smaller and was brown instead of green. Peter helped me out again and removed it so I could sit it the family room without freaking out. I mean…what are the chances, right? One praying mantis in your house, while a little freaky is plausible. But TWO? In one night? Now that’s just downright odd.
And yes, a cartoon image because bugs of ANY kind (even butterflies and ladybugs) gross me the eff out!
I’ve had too many signs and strange symbolisms appearing lately to not realize there is some meaning behind this. I had to look it up and this is what I found:
An appearance from the mantis is a message to be still, go within, meditate, get quiet and reach a place of calm.
From: http://www.whats-your-sign.com/animal-symbolism-mantis.html
I take this as a message Al is sending me.
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