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Saturday, November 8, 2014

Cosmic Joke, Pheromones or a Sign That It's Time?

I feel a change coming within me and I'm not quite sure who to blame or thank for it.

Suddenly as if  some great harmonic convergence changed my energy or some crazy friend (Marsha Crazy Horse) sensed something within me and gave me a push. Regardless of how or why this is happening, I think I just may be ready. Ready for what, you may be asking? Ready to start dating. Holy shit, I actually said it/wrote it and the more I say it, the more I'm sure.

I'm pretty sure I have Crazy Horse to thank for this. Her Tucson visit was finished and I told her I'd pick her up and spend Sunday afternoon with her and get her to the train station that evening. She told me about a man named "L" she met and then shocked the hell out of me when she said she told him about me. What the hell? Marsha and I made our way to Hotel Congress and sat outside to have a drink and a bite to eat. She asked if I wanted L to come meet us and hang out. Uhhhh, no. A little time passed and pretty soon Marsha laughed and held up her phone. She had asked him to send a selfie! Crap, Marsha ~ what are you doing?

After a bit we got up to go across the street to hang out at Maynard's at the train station and as we walked away from our table, this tall, handsome YOUNGER man walked in and it was L. Gulp. Introductions were made and we went across the street and in to Maynard's where L bought us both a glass of wine. Marsha's 7:00pm train turned in to an 8:45pm train so over the next couple of hours, a mutual attraction developed between L and I. We finally got Marsha on her train and he turned and asked if I'd like to go have a drink with him. It felt completely natural and right although I was freaking out a little inside when I said yes. We found a spot nearby and sat out on the patio where we talked, laughed and found our commonalities over the next hour or so. I ended it innocently enough but we left the door open to possibly see each other next time he is in Tucson (he travels for his job). He's already texted me and truth be told, I've got him on my mind.

Oddly enough this same week I was approached by a man at work who asked if I'd like to go out for a drink or dinner sometime. A brief moment of panic hit me but I regained my composure without him sensing my internal debate and said sure, that would be nice. No plans were made at that moment but we agreed that we'd talk and see what works for us. I don't really know this man but there's no harm in getting out there and exploring this new world. I have to relearn so many things that I've lost over the last 30+ years; how to date, how to let someone know I'm not interested after a date or two and more importantly how to let someone know that I AM interested. Are there lessons I can take or a book I can read?!

My friend said it's pheromones. She said something was awakened within me when I met L and I'm putting out pheromones. I don't know about that but I'm kind of excited (and extremely nervous) about this next chapter. So  possibly the cosmos had a play in this and I've been gently guided to this place. Can't believe I'm saying this but ~ bring it on.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

All Soul's Day - A Remembrance

I was born to an Irish father and Irish/Polish mother (with various things mixed on both sides) and raised in much simpler time in a little Los Angeles suburb called El Monte. El Monte and the Southern California area has a rich Hispanic history and culture but I truly never knew or felt it. Perhaps it is because I was raised in a mostly white neighborhood and in a time where it seemed like everyone pushed their own heritage aside in an attempt to be part of the larger and more accepted white majority.

It wasn't until I left California for me to actually see the culture before me here in Tucson. I suppose I could have opened my eyes more had I stayed in Southern California but in Tucson, it was more of a gentle immersion. There didn't seem to be any hard lines between the different races and beliefs. Here Mexicans, Asians, Blacks, Europeans, Native Americans ~ everything seems to blend together and each culture is respected for what they bring to the community.

While there is so much about each ethnic group that I enjoy, the one that speaks to me is the Hispanic culture. This is likely because I have lived in Tucson so long and my husband was largely Hispanic. But there is no denying the beauty of the culture. It's an odd place for me internally because much of the culture surrounds their rich religious beliefs and relationship with the church and well, I don't share those beliefs at all. But I appreciate the beauty and tradition. I prefer to link the beauty, tradition and way of life to something greater than a specific religious belief, but more to an overall understanding that we are all alike and some kind of greater existence exists for us all. Something none of us truly knows.

Today is All Soul's Day and I feel a great connection to the celebration. Yesterday (Nov 1) was All

Saint's Day where all the Saints are celebrated and is a reminder of how we are supposed to live.
All Soul's Day (Nov 2) is about all the souls who have died before us and asking that they be guided and granted to an everlasting life - whatever that life may be in your beliefs. Because of my own personal religious beliefs, while I think All Saint's Day is beautiful, there is no meaning for me. However, All Soul's Day is deeply intimate and personal. I embrace the beauty, the love, the pain, the sorrow and the celebration.