I recently went back to Playa del Carmen in Quintana Roo, Mexico for vacation. It's the place Al and I went for our 30th wedding anniversary. I half expected to feel a little melancholy while there, especially when I'd be at some of the same spots we enjoyed back in 2008.
But it was a different hotel, a different beach, the city had changed and I had changed. I'm happy for the life I had with Al and the lessons I've learned along the way. I have three of the most amazing children because of him and I am who I am today because of him. And you know what? I like me.
My entire married life was devoted to my husband and children. I was one of THOSE women. I catered to their every need and put my own wants and needs on the back burner. Shit, who am I kidding? They weren't on the back burner, they were poured in airtight containers and put in the freezer.
This is going to sound a little strange but I'm learning to put myself first and come to understand that it's okay to be selfish. It's my turn. My time.
Now, this is not a sudden epiphany. For the last year or two I've slowly been discovering myself and that I deserve to enjoy my life for me and no one else. Forever a people pleaser, I'll admit it is a little hard to not care what people think of me. But I'm working on that.
My vacation was out of this world. I was happy and full of excitement for what each day would bring. I zip lined, I rappelled, I swam in cenotes, I snorkeled in a lagoon, I snorkeled with sea turtles in the open water, I came face to face with an ugly old barracuda. I drank rum straight out of a freshly opened coconut with a hairless dog by my side. I swam with whale sharks 18 miles out in the middle of the ocean. I read, I swam, I ate amazing food, I drank way too much alcohol and I did it all with some of my favorite people.
While out on the town one night we stopped at a little place called The Beer Bucket. That place not only holds very fond memories for me but it also holds a special memento ~ Al's old truck license plate. You see, The Beer Bucket used to ask people to bring in license plates from all over in exchange for a free t-shirt so Al dug his old one out, dusted it off and put it in his suitcase back in '08.
So when we approached that wall and saw it, a tear did roll down my face. It was a tear full of laughter and memories, maybe just a touch of sadness, but full of love and happiness.
