On this Father's Day...

What I know for certain:
• Becoming a father changed Al’s life completely and fully.
• He could gut and field dress a deer yet faint at the site of a removed mole on a sterile tray. But he was there in the room at my side when each of our children were born. No fainting, just tears of joy.
• He enjoyed the times when it was just him and the kids but what he really loved were those one on one times when it was just him and one of the three. Some very special memories were formed during those times.
• He loved that Marshall was a true boy…playing golf, hunting and playing sports.
• He beamed with pride as he attended Marshall’s soccer, baseball, basketball and football games through youth leagues and high school.
• That same pride was there as he watched his girls perform in their cheerleading squads.
• Watching little miss independent Alison tool around in the backyard oblivious to anything else going on around her made him laugh out loud.
• When Lesley was just a toddler with glasses, he made sure to show her that he wore glasses too and told her that it was cool to wear glasses like him.
• His face actually hurt after a trip to Disneyland because he smiled so much as he watched the kids’ reaction to everything Disney.
• He was so proud that his kids could hold their own and would never back down from a fight.
• His opinionated and “asshole-ish” ways are ingrained in and a part of our children and he LOVED that they are their father’s children so to speak.
• He loved the fact that all three of his kids have a healthy respect for firearms but still feel the rush and joy when shooting.
• Sports were a huge part of who he was and all three of them have that same love for those same teams and are die-hard fans for life.
• He always wanted to do more for his family and it was heartbreaking for him when he felt he couldn’t provide everything that the kids’ friends had and he thought he was letting them down.
• He stood up for his kids no matter what just as they stood up for him.
• Through all the trials and tribulations of life, he knew how much he was loved.
• During the last 7 or 8 years of his life, he worked harder and longer than his body would allow but he did it anyway.
• His body let him down in many ways but his heart never did…..nor did his children.

Happy Father’s Day to the father of my children.

"Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance."
~ Ruth E. Renkel

The Butcher

Tucson had quickly become our home and neither one of us really wanted to go back to California but we both knew that in order to have a stable future, we had to make the sacrifice. Al had tried to get on with the US Postal Service in Tucson but there were little to no opportunities. He went to Los Angeles and tested there and before we knew it, Al was hired in South Gate, CA. We packed up our little family and made the move. Thankfully Al’s parents offered their guest room to us. This was a really gracious and generous offer since we would obviously disrupt their lives quite significantly. We stayed with them just a couple of months but were anxious to get our own place.

We found a great house on Bowman Ave in South Gate. It had hard wood floors, a little phone nook built in to the wall in the hall and lots of fruit trees in the backyard. We had an abundance of plums, apricots, peaches, oranges, lemons and avocados. (The avocado tree was actually next door but hung over our back wall.) We’d order pizza from Cousimano’s down the street on Tweedy Boulevard and we’d pick up great cuts of meat at the little local market on Otis. They even had their own packaged ice cream that was to die for!

Al worked hard at the post office and played just as hard on a local softball team and improving his golf game. I worked for Mechanics National Bank and before we knew it a baby was on the way. I worked up until the weekend before Alison was born. While Marshall went fishing with his grandparents, Alison Lacey Navarro came in to the world. Al was so excited to welcome his little girl. She was amazing and everything felt just perfect!

Well, perfect was hardly the case. You see our landlords lived next door. And these weren’t just ANY landlords; they were an older couple that didn’t seem to know their boundaries….the McQuiddys. They stored furniture (mostly antiques that attracted rats!) in our garage, actually utilizing MORE than half the garage space, they’d come in to our backyard and pick fruit and we had a feeling they were even going inside the house on occasion when we weren’t home. They were terribly meddlesome and it didn’t sit well with Al. They christened Al with a new nickname towards the end of our time there.

Al enjoyed doing yardwork…mowing the lawn, pruning the trees, etc. He was trimming the trees once and the McQuiddys came over in a huff, screaming at him and then Old Man McQuiddy said it....THE BUTCHER!! Oh we thought it was hilarious and we’d purposely annoy the McQuiddys by tossing around that title. If the McQuiddys were in their backyard and we in ours, we'd make jokes about Al being a butcher not a mailman and laugh loudly making sure they heard. (I know, we were really mature about it all) Oh, how they hated us and after one particularly heated argument Al had with them, we found an eviction notice on our front door. It was a blessing in disguise and led us to a much happier place.

Self Pity

Yep, I'll own this one. It doesn't happen very often but tonight I feel sorry for myself. I'm not a fan of self pity and I'm embarrassed to admit that I've gone there tonight.

I'm getting ready to head out the door in the early morning hours to California to attend my nephew's wedding. I needed to wash clothes, wash dishes, take a shower, etc before I go. I did some cooking first and made kind of a mess. Threw some clothes in the washer and went in the computer room to download a couple of pictures. (Pics of my cooking experiment - fried green tomatoes, blech!) When I walked down the hall I thought my kitchen floor looked a little odd. WTF. My kitchen was flooded. Both sinks were full of crap and my washing machine backed up, draining all over the floor. Lovely. I used every towel in my house to sop up the water but now what? I have to leave this mess and come home to it on Monday night.

So yes, a stupid household mishap and I'm pissed as hell that I have to deal with it. By myself. With no money to pay a plumber. This sucks. And I'm mad. I'm mad that I have to deal with shit like this. I'm mad that I'm struggling financially. I'm mad that Al isn't here. I'm mad that I'm alone. I'm mad that life dealt me this blow. I'm mad that I'll never talk to him again. I'm mad that things are "easy" for other people and I've lived a life of struggle. I'm mad that I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm just mad.

But through the anger I have to laugh. You see this is the way things go for us**. If something can go wrong, it will. Especially with the plumbing in my house. I can pretty much predict when I'm gonna have plumbing issues based on history...Thanksgiving Day when cleaning up after dinner.....ANY frickin' holiday when plumbers charge double....the morning we are leaving for California when my dad died....and of course when I'm leaving for a few days to see family.

**Wow, I still say us. That's pretty messed up and that makes me mad too.

What kind of sign am I being sent?