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Saturday, January 18, 2014

Dog Days and a Sign He's With Al

"A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his." John Grogan (Marley & Me)

My bond with my dogs, especially Raider, is strong. Ray and Sylus have gotten me through the worst time in my life by being my comfort, bringing me laughter, love and loyalty every single day. They sleep with me, they follow me around and anxiously wait for me to come home at the end of the day. But the bond between me and Raider was tighter than with Sy. Ray always wanted my hand on him and was a bit of a baby.

Raider died last Sunday and before I tell you the sign I got from Al that Ray was with him, let me tell you what happened to him.

Raider started throwing up undigested food 5-6 hours after eating and it went on for a week. Our vet took blood and treated him with meds for a pyloric spasm condition that stops food from entering the intestines. Labs came back indicating his liver/kidneys were functioning normally. He was on the meds for a few days and he was keeping his food down. 

He was fine Friday when I got home from work and all evening. Saturday morning he was fine – he ate breakfast and then I was gone all day from 6:30am-6:30pm on Saturday but he was great when I got home. Just his normal self. He ate dinner and was perfectly normal all evening long. Went to bed at 11:30 and put him on my bed. I woke up around 4am and he wasn’t on the bed. I found him in my closet which is where he goes when he is scared (thunderstorms, fireworks, etc). He wouldn’t come out and I figured he just didn’t feel well so I went back to bed. At 5am he was standing by my bed so I got up and helped him on to my bed. He had a lot of difficulty getting up there. Tried to sleep a bit but he was next to me and breathing strangely, not panting, just very strange, intense breathing. I had an idea of what was going on from when Al was in Hospice and you learn about the different stages of breathing as someone is dying and I definitely recognized it but didn’t want to believe it. Then I touched the pads of his paws and they were really, really cold – another sign. I just stayed with him and kept stroking him and talking to him. Around 7am I knew for sure what was happening and that he was dying so I called my daughter Lesley (she lives 5 minutes away) and she said she was coming over. I called my other daughter Alison as well and while I was talking to her, his breathing changed to the final stage which is like a fish out of water; slow, infrequent gulps. He only did that about 5 or 6 times and then was gone.

The girls came over and we arranged to take his body somewhere and my son-in-law and his brother moved him from my bed to the vehicle since he weighs....weighed....over 100 pounds.

I feel lucky that he died at home, in his most favorite spot with me by his side. My guess is that it was cancer, possibly a large tumor that was preventing his food from leaving his stomach. I didn’t have to make the decision to put him down, which is awful. I knew enough about what was happening to not take him to the emergency vet and have them invade and scare him.

That night as I got in to bed with only Sylus near me, I spoke out loud to Raider telling him I loved him and that if it's possible for him, I'd love to have a sign at some point that he's OK now. I shed a few tears and then settled in to go to sleep when all of a sudden an incredibly warm, comforting sensation was felt on the top of my ear that was facing up towards the sky. It didn't feel like a hot flash or anything but felt exactly like a warm ray of sunshine coming down on that exact spot. A moment later as my eyes were shut I could see s small, bright white light far off in the distance. I opened my eyes to see what it was and the room was dark. I closed my eyes again and within a moment or two the small, bright white light far off in the distance reached out to me again.

I truly believe that this was my sign. I'm not sure if dogs can actually emit this kind of energy like people who have passed can so I have a feeling it was Al giving me what I needed to assure me that Ray was fine and quite possibly with him.

**OK, now I know it. I just finished typing this out and looked at the time on my computer. Yep, it's 11:11

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