A House is Made of Walls and Beams; A Home is Built With Love and Dreams

An anxious man, a pregnant woman, a crazy dog and a strangely fat cat. It was all going well as we traveled across the desert from California to Arizona and then we made a stop mid way and discovered we also had kittens! Al had found our home on his previous trip to Tucson as he ironed out job details. It was a little duplex in mid-town. 3518 E Presidio to be exact. Perfect little place for us. It was close to the restaurant Al was opening with his friend and Al worked a LOT of hours. A young high school kid (3 years my junior – ha!) came in looking for a job and was hired. He and his crazy friends became a fixture around our place. That high school kid was Brian and a life-long friendship began.

I tried to find a job but quickly found out no one was interested in hiring a pregnant woman. So I set about making our house a home and getting prepared for the baby.

We found a great obstetrician with a midwife in his practice. Finally the time came and we went to the hospital. It’s funny that Al and I walked those halls late at night trying to work through my early labor and now I walk those same halls as part of the labor force at Tucson Medical Center. We brought our beautiful son Marshall home and Al was so incredibly proud. He was such a doting father and would spend his evenings after work cradling his son and just staring at him.

Our German Shepherd Hagar and once pregnant, okay twice pregnant, cat Chablis flourished and were great pets and companions. But Hagar was teased unmercifully by a kid in the little duplex complex and one day justice was served when Hagar jumped the fence and bit this kid. No break in the skin, just mental trauma for the kid (hopefully he learned a lesson) but Hagar had to be impounded at Animal Control for a bit. When he came back home we got another dog to keep him company and hopefully calm him down. A fat little lab mix we named Micah. We soon found out that Micah was an escape artist and thief. We’d find chewed up shoes (not ours!), toys (again not ours!) and other things in our fenced yard and the neighbors started complaining. We found another home for Micah and kept a closer eye on Hagar.

I went back to work a couple of months after Marshall was born. I did some waitressing at a locally owned restaurant on Country Club. Another funny little thing….that restaurant was located in the exact same spot as the ad agency my employer uses. I just realized that. I was soon hired to be a teller at Valley National Bank – the University branch. There began my “career” in banking.

We had a lot of fun at that house. One time we had a big, crazy party at the Presidio duplex after a javelina hunt. There was a band, a bunch of very potent jungle juice and a javelina wrapped in burlap buried in the ground slowly cooking on hot coals. A little too slowly though since everyone kept drinking waiting for the meat to be done, eventually passing out and waking up the next morning to falling off the bone javelina.

Restaurant business is a funny thing and Al knew he needed more stability for his family and an opportunity to get on with the US Postal Service came up……in southern California!! Ready, set, go!

Home Is Where the Heart Is

I can still remember the address. 13609 ½ Weimer Ave in Paramount, California. I don’t know what qualified it as a “1/2” because it was the only house on the lot but that’s where we started our lives together. Al already lived there and I moved in after a few months of dating and as soon as my lease was up at the little duplex I shared with friends in Monrovia, California.

We had a lot of fun in that house and even held our wedding reception there. Family prepared most of the food and a party to remember ensued!

We got our first dog when we lived in that house. A cute, funny little German Shephard pup we named Hagar the Horrible.

We had some crazy neighbors back in the day. On one side was a large Samoan family who would have great gatherings where the center of the party was a massive pig roasting on a pit just beyond the little picket fence that separated our back yards. On the other side was a crazy Greek who every once in a while would get drunk on Ouzo and light up the night sky with his homemade “fireworks” – burning magnesium!

I remember going with Al to a friend of a friend's house in East LA to look at an old gas stove stored away in a garage. I think we paid $10 for it. We got it home and I spent the next week cleaning the dirt, grease, grime and rat poop out of it. We put a new thermostat in it and that gorgeous 1950s white Kenmore gas stove was BEAUTIFUL! I loved that thing and wish I had kept it to this day.

We had a great going away party when we decided to move to Tucson. Move to Tucson!? Al had gone to Tucson to line up a job with an old friend to help open a restaurant. He came back and we packed up everything we owned in to a U-Haul truck and hit the road. I was 4 months pregnant and ready to start our Arizona adventure.

Family Ties are Precious Threads

When I was a young bride the thought of fitting in to a whole new family was a little daunting. I was used to MY family. MY mom, MY dad, MY sisters. It was very strange, very strange indeed. I liked the way MY family was, the way WE communicated, the feelings and thoughts WE shared. Yet I was expected to make myself fit in with all these new people, to find common interests, to learn to communicate their way, to form a bond with them, to make sure I became a part of their family. It’s what you do when you become part of another family. You adapt, you learn a whole new way to communicate, you learn a different set of values, and you accept these people with all their faults, warts and all. You understand that while these people are completely different from you, they deserve kindness, love and the utmost respect.

And you know what happens? THOSE people become YOUR people. You open your heart and you love THOSE people with everything you’ve got. Not just because they are a part of your husband but because they are now a part of YOU.

I could not imagine, even for a minute how awful my life would be had I not made THEM a part of ME. My father-in-law Al….the stern patriarch who loves his family deeply and has learned over the years to outwardly show that love. My mother-in-law Corky….she was fun, funny and definitely her own person. She let her husband think he ran the show but it was all her. My sister-in-law Mona….the one who wears her heart on her sleeve, so loving, so wacky! My sister-in-law Alicia….the one I spent the most time with, so accepting, so crazy & fun yet so responsible. My sister-in-law Cecilia….closest to me in age, the baby of her family, so funny & opinionated, so full of love for her family. Every uncle, aunt, cousin, niece and nephew….each so different, each so willing to accept and love me. I am part of their family and they are part of mine. Even without Al. They are still my family and always will be.

It had been a while since I’d seen them. But the time and miles disappeared when I walked through Alicia’s door last weekend.

I felt at home and closer to Al than I’d felt in a few months. I saw him in each and every one of their faces. I know how lucky I am. This is MY family.

Cinderella Knew......It's All in How the Shoe Fits

As much as I don’t want to, I’m getting used to this new way of life. It’s becoming less and less foreign and more and more familiar. It’s kind of like putting on a new pair of shoes. At first they’re tight and kind of painful to wear. But as time goes on and you wear them a little more, they’re less uncomfortable. At some point you ease in to them without a second thought.

And with that familiarity comes a new confidence. The confidence to make my own decisions and do what feels right for ME.

I went down to Rocky Point on Thursday morning and purposely didn’t divulge to many people that I was traveling alone. My plan was to meet up with Alison & Brad on Friday and tag along on the tail end of their week long vacation. Had I told people what I was doing, I would have had a ton of concerned warnings from friends and coworkers. Warnings that I know would have been full of care and concern for my safety amidst state department travel warnings and scary stories of violence in other parts of Mexico. While I am certainly no ostrich with its head buried in the sand, completely oblivious to what’s going on around me, I take precautions and travel safely. Going down there for some rest and relaxation was what felt right for ME.

I started my adventure Thursday morning after I picked up my rental car. See? My car is old and has almost 200,000 miles on it (Rock on Toyota!!) so I took appropriate precautions and rented a car. I love to drive on road trips and don’t mind driving alone. I’ve driven to the LA area alone, a one-day turnaround to Flagstaff alone…just turn the radio up, sing along and enjoy the scenery. Got to Lukeville and as the US Customs officer asked me a few questions, joked about taking a rental car through Mexican officials, searched my car, opened my ice chest and rummaged around finally telling me to have fun, I cross the border and get the green light from Mexican officials. Drove through the town of Sonoyta and then come to a road block.

Crap. The streets are closed and traffic is diverted due to a parade going through town. Another of my precautions: NO detours. But in this case there was no choice. I managed to get around the parade and take a minor detour without any incidents. I actually love the drive to Rocky Point. I like to drive fast and once you’re out of town and on the open road, 90 mph is a breeze!

I had originally planned to stay somewhere really cheap like Rosa del Desierto or Playa Azul on Calle 13 but intelligent, precautionary thinking prevailed and instead I stayed at Las Palomas.

A huge condominium resort with lots of security. Checked in, got situated and headed down to catch some sun. After a while I hear a familiar voice calling me….Alison! She and Brad were walking the expanse of the resort beach looking for me after they finished their fishing trip. We hung out for a while, hit the local grocery store together and then parted ways. I checked out the next morning, made a stop or two and then drove the 30 minutes out of town to the Mayan Palace where they were using their time share points. I settled in to their suite and then it was all about the beach, the pool and having fun. Lots of laughing, drinking, eating and good times.

They took me out for a Mother’s Day brunch on Sunday morning and then we headed home – caravan style (See? More precautions.) We parted ways when we hit Tucson; them to their house, me to return the rental.

It feels good to be confident enough in what I want and to be willing and able to take the steps to get it. So that shoe? The one that was once squeaky and stiff? It’s not quite soft and worn but it’s definitely getting more comfortable and I can pull the band-aids off that once prevented the pain. I’m getting there.

And this past weekend, that shoe was a Mexican huarache.