Just a little reassurance

My son Marshall and daughter-in-law Ali are getting ready to have their first child, Ashley Jude Navarro. She was due a couple of days ago and is now in the hospital getting ready to be induced. They've been there all day and I've hung out with them twice today. It's looking like Ashley will make her way in to this world sometime on December 6.

Marshall called me just a little while ago and asked if I would go to his house and pick up their bed pillows and bring them to the hospital. Of course I obliged. So I drove over there in my pajamas and robe, trekked up the stairs, went in and grabbed the pillows so they could be comfortable tonight.

I'm really happy and excited about this birth. It's a beautiful, wonderous thing to welcome a child in to the world and this family needs something beautiful and wonderous. I think we're all starting to get used to Al being gone. I still think about him every single day but I don't cry every day anymore. I know that's a good thing. I also think that he knows that we are accepting of this and understanding that he really is gone and that life moves on. I believe that he came to me so frequently in the first seven months after his death to help me. He knew I wasn't grieving properly, that I was holding back. I was holding back and putting up a front. Over the past month or so I've cried more openly in my home and been more open about grieving. But with that acceptance comes a price. My signs from Al are less frequent. I think he feels better about where I am emotionally and is letting me move on a little.

But he gave me a gift tonight. As I was turning out the lights in Marshall's home, I turned towards the kitchen and caught sight of the clock on the stove. It was 11:11 ~ a huge wave of emotion took me over. It was different than the earlier days when I'd happen to catch a glimpse of the time at just the right moment. Those 11:11's felt different. This one gave me a definite physical feeling within my body. I cried as it rose up within my body. It was such a strong feeling of love. I know it was Al letting me know that he'll be with us for the birth of this baby. He'll be right by our sides welcoming her in to this world. He wouldn't miss the birth of his son's baby. Al and Marshall had an extremely tight bond and there is no way in hell Al's going to miss this. And he wanted us to know that.