It’s been a good couple of weeks and I’ve been feeling better than ever. I’m taking care of myself and staying super busy. Busy not just in a purposeful effort to push away the sadness and loneliness though I will admit that is part of it. But it’s also part of the natural evolution of my life. I won’t say I prefer this life but I am learning to enjoy it.
Thoughts and memories of Al don’t consume me any more. I actually go days without tears welling up in my eyes when I think of him. In fact, I feel guilty when I realize that I actually go days without thinking of him at all. Well, that’s not actually true. I live in our home, I touch everything he touched daily, I sleep in our bed, I sit in his chair, I wear his robe every morning so I think of him every day but I don’t THINK of him.
And just when I acknowledge to myself how well I’m doing something hits me. And it hits me hard. I had drinks with two of my friends from work tonight and we had fun just hanging out and letting loose over half price martinis. Listening to the radio on my drive home, the new Zac Brown Band song Colder Weather came on the radio. I’ve heard it so many times before and sang along like the fool I can be when alone in my car with the windows rolled up. While the last few lyrics are certainly familiar, tonight they knocked the wind from my lungs and brought an unexpected mournful sob from my mouth instead of words.
And when I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I’m with your ghost again
It’s a shame about the weather
I know soon we’ll be together
And I can’t wait till then
I can’t wait till then.
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