Definition of INCREDULOUS
1
It’s exactly how I felt on Sunday. I was milling about my
house doing the usual mundane weekend tasks. While doing laundry and hanging up
my clothes I realized my closet needed a little rearranging. I gathered up a
bunch of shirts I rarely wear and took them to the spare bedroom to hang in the
closet. As I hooked the hangers on the rod my hand brushed against the other
clothes hanging there. Al’s clothes. Looking down, there are his shoes. It’s
weird, I imagine his feet in those shoes and then I see him clearly in my mind
wearing that shirt, those sandals. Turning away and out of the room I close the
door behind me. Then that incredulous feeling creeps up. I still find it
absolutely unbelievable that he’s gone.
It’s odd, the feeling isn’t one of sadness but more an incredulous
feeling.
Those of you who’ve lost someone so completely bonded to you
like a spouse, a best friend, even a child…don’t you find it unbelievable that
the person who is supposed to be there with you is gone? Even two years later?
Even when your daily life makes you face it, makes you stare in to the
emptiness, suck it up and move forward? Do you look at a subtle or in your face
reminder at times and say to yourself, “I can’t believe he’s gone, that he’s
never, ever going to say my name again? That I will live the rest of my life
without him?”
I know the truth. I’m a realistic person. I don’t wallow in
sadness, dwell in the past or spend my evenings feeling melancholy. I guess
someday I’ll look back and think how silly these feelings are. But for now I
think I just need a little validation that others feel this. Someone tell me
this is normal or at the very least, not completely peculiar.
